October of Year 2

I've been reflecting up on the similarities and differences between October of year 1 and October of year 2. October is deemed one of the toughest and darkest months of the school year, and in some ways, this still stands true. Although I am in such a better place than I was last year (praise the Lord), I'm still dealing with some real struggles that have surfaced in a big way this month.

I have higher goals and expectations for myself this year, because I know more than I did last year, and I have more expertise and experience than last year. I am more aware when I am making good instructional and pedagogical decisions and when I am not. I have been struggling to find a teaching routine that maximizes time, student-centeredness (yes, I made up that word), and productivity. Even though it sounds silly, a big stress for me this month has been transition times. My students this year are a little bit slower in the sense that they like to take their time and they don't like to be rushed (which can sometimes be a good thing). I have also not been organized as I would like, so these two things result in slow transitions that take up a lot of time. Teaching so many subjects a day requires a lot of transitions and it's been really tough. I find myself running out of time for all of the things that I want to do which stresses me out. I have been trying to find a balance in accepting who my students are and how they work while also utilizing different strategies to maximize time for student learning.

Another pattern that has emerged over this month has been my difficulty in planning and executing my math lessons. I am planning 3 math lessons a day (one for remedial math, regular "on-level" math, and 3.2 math) and it has been very overwhelming trying to plan and execute these lessons. During my 45-50 minute math period, I have to teach 2 completely different curricula to 2 different math groups. I used to love teaching math but the structural and organizational changes of my math block this year have resulted in me actually disliking my math time. What I have found some success in is trying to only meet with one math group a day, but that is sometimes impossible because my 3.2 math group is expected to learn new standards very quickly (because their curriculum is sped up) and therefore that requires a lot of my attention. During the beginning of the month I felt as though I was giving my 3.2 math group too much attention and time which then resulted in not being able to meet with my on-level kids as much. Towards the end of the month, I have tried to give my 3.2 students more independent tasks to do which sometimes is successful and sometimes, they feel unsupported and express to me that they need more help. It's been really tough, honestly, and math is often the most frustrating part of my day. I am still trying to figure out how to organize my time and effort and how to make sure that I'm spending meaningful time with all of my students so that I can best support them.

I know that I need to celebrate, too, because there are always positive things (even if they're sometimes hard to focus on). Book clubs have been going well in my classroom (except for my lowest readers, who still need my support and have not independently led their own book clubs yet). There are two groups who have been independently running their own book clubs for more than a month now, which is really exciting. They are choosing their own books, coming to their book clubs with connections, questions, observations, and "Wonderful Word" sightings, and they are rocking it! There have been a few times where I needed to step in because of some conflicts (i.e. they couldn't agree on something) but for the most part I have really not needed to guide them in any significant way. What I am trying to work on with them now is to push their analysis and to deepen their talk so that they are critically and deeply analyzing what they are reading and are not just spending the majority of the time talking about what character they like, for example. My highest readers are going to start a book club on a chapter book next week, which will be exciting. I have been so impressed with this group that I had my whole class observe one of their book clubs (it was like a fishbowl) and observe how they were talking to one another, what they were discussing, etc. This was a great opportunity for the rest of my students to learn from their classmates and see a model for what they will soon be doing. To be honest, it has been difficult for my struggling readers to feel as though they can independently run their own book clubs because they are still learning how to read and decode. I know that their book clubs are going to look a little different and I'm trying to support them in whatever way I can.

Another pattern that emerged in my daily connections has been my experience with writing conferences. I started conferring with my writers more than a month ago and I have been trying to implement what I have learned in How's it Going? and they are going great with some of my writers and I have been really struggling with others. There are days when I feel great about my writing conferences and how much I'm learning about their interests, skills, etc. but then there are other days when I'm wondering if any of my writers are actually growing/improving. My biggest struggle right now is knowing how to help my lowest writers, who are barely writing sentences in English that make sense. However I am also struggling with my more confident writers who are just speeding through the writing process, publishing piece after piece, but not really reflecting upon what they're writing or how they're writing. I have recently implemented the "Writing Goals" tracker that I sent out to everyone to make sure that all students are consciously working towards certain, measurable goals. What I find is that my students forget what we discuss in our writing conferences and then no growth is made. To be honest, it's been really tough and sometimes it's hard to even trust that this is worth all of the time that I'm putting into them, but I'm hanging on to see if things improve.

Wow, so that was a lot. There is so much more that I could say but I'll stop here. Looking back across the month, I'm feeling discouraged and encouraged at the same time. This month has been tough -- I have been trying to implement big changes in my classroom, which is exciting and daunting at the same time. It has been awesome and terrible at the same time, and I'm learning to trust the process even if I don't see results right away.